Google+ Followers

Thursday, 15 August 2013

RPG.net just gave me the image of a party of adventurers asking the dragon to give them a fetch quest. He doesn't have anything for them.
Let me share it with you.
"I am Lue the Dragon, and I'm bored of all you, adventurers that offer to bring me whatever I want. Bring me a tankard of ale, while you're at it...no, I'm not going to give you anything for it. But we could talk.
Thing is, do you think I need you clumsy, earth-bound humans to fetch things for me? I think I've got a bone somewhere nearby, but the only thing you'd get for fetching it to me is another bone... like my dog did.
So, what do I really want?
Worship me! Be my high priests - meaning, if you fail me, I'd get you high in the sky before dropping you. Ever heard about great power and responsibilities?
Yes, I want you to worship me, become my priest, and intimidate - or persuade, or seduce them, I could care less only with negative numbers, which most of you don't know - so, [B][I]make[/I][/B] those guys over the hill worship me as well! I don't care if you use an army or an anthill, three pieces of flint, a piece of polished glass, and some feathers.
What? No, that's not a cunning plan I'm suggesting. I was just talking about junk you could offer them for trade. That is, if they were stupid enough to trade worship for that. Their forefathers were, a couple centuries ago. Not any more. I'm missing my tribe!
Once you accomplish the conversion, though, you could leave with even a nice diamond from my treasure. I'm going to promote other people among them to be my chief priests. And you? You'll be the patron saints that the Lue the God of Fire can invoke. Win-win, don't you think?
If that doesn't work for you, I could take something else. See, there's this trading caravan. If someone was to hire themselves as their guides and then lead them near my lair at night, they could easily become rich from the spoils I can't carry, or have no use for. But bring them at night! Normally, they're passing nearby during the day, because then their nasty crossbows give me pause. But in the darkness? Yeah, screw them.
You don't want to bring them to their deaths? Ah, I see, fellow humans. Well, then, can you go to the other dragon lair over there and plant this small thing to the wing of the male dragon? The only catch is, he shouldn't notice. Once you do that, light a fire on the hill in front of it, and get back here. Your payment will wait.
Sorry, but your lot seems conditioned that we dragons want people to fetch things for us. I had a dog for this, and it had fiendish intelligence, so it was good company. Until it died last millennium.
so yeah, much to your surprise, you'll find that I want much the same things you do: power, riches, influence, sex - with my own species, I take princesses only in the usually vain hope they would be good company.
If you wonder those hills long enough, you'll find that the same is true more or less with every sentient and sapient being here.
Oh, and I want my own prejudices confirmed. Though I don't mind new information that could teach me what they are. Unlike the rest, however, not everyone in those hills would appreciate such knowledge."